Count Batula Interview by: LucybonesSquirrel
*LucybonesSquirrel is standing just outside Count Batula's Mansion.*
LucybonesSquirrel: Right. At the moment I'm standing outside at the entrance to the mansion. I wonder ow tonight's interview is gonna turn out...
*LucybonesSquirrel goes inside, and looks around the main room of the mansion.*
LucybonesSquirrel: I wonder where that guy is. We're about to begin in a moment...
*Count Batula appears, walking down the stairs towards LucybonesSquirrel who will interview him.*
Count Batula: Aah.. velcome to my house. Please. Enter of your own free will, and bring with you some of that happiness that is so undeniably evident in your face... or pen, or whatever that is on your head...
LucybonesSquirrel, thinking to herself: Hrmpf...
Count Batula: And so lacking... in my own.
LucybonesSquirrel: Hah, he´s not kidding there. Ok, I'll just cross this "threshold" here. Hm, that phrase must have some sort of significance, but I'm not quite sure as to what... Anyway, nice hairdo!
Count Batula: Vat?
LucybonesSquirrel: Nothing.
Count Batula: So, ve seldom have visitors in these parts, vat being out here in ze middle of nowhere. On such a cold and gloomy night... So, I hear you are the one who will be interviewing me tonight, am I right?
LucybonesSquirrel: That's right.
Count Batula: Alright. Head this way.
*In the Dining Room*
Count Batula: As you can ze the house is in a somevat a, state of repair... We're having a few refurbishments done to it at the moment and... I vas going to have all this knocked through, to make one big, um... but anyvay, I think we'll have to stick to ze conservatory for the present... so, where should we begin?
LucybonesSquirrel: Well, first off; You're a vampire, right? Count Batula: Yes.LucybonesSquirrel: What did you think of Conker when you first met him?
Count Batula: Well... he was quite nice, despite his criticizing of my ancestors. He's also my great, great, great, great, great...
LucybonesSquirrel: Great grandson?
Count Batula *Angrily*: HOW dare YOU interrupting me! If you think you're so smart, then go and read my books! ... not that anyone vould read them anyvays, but who gives a shité!!
*Batula manages to calm himself down and not attacking LucybonesSquirrel too early.*
Count Batula: Prey... accept my apologies! ... whenever I get interrupted during my speech I'll get... somevhat.. touchy!
LucybonesSquirrel: Ah, that's alright. I know how it is like... So, for how long have you been here?
Count batula: Vell... about 310 years.
LucybonesSquirrel: Really? Quite a big family then I suppose?
Count Batula: No. It's just me here.
*Wolves howling is heard.*LucybonesSquirrel: Hm? What is that noise?
Count Batula: Ah... It's ze children of the night. What sweet music they make...
LucybonesSquirrel: Music? Sounds more like they're calling out to one another. At least to me it does...
*Banging is heard.*
Count Batula: Hm... what is THAT noise?
*Banging is heard again, louder this time.*
LucybonesSquirrel: Sounds like someone is braying on the door... they don't like you either, I take it.
Count Batula: Ah shit. VAT do they want me NOW?? You stay here, I'll be right back.
LucybonesSquirrel: Alright, I won't go anywhere.
*Batula heads out to the main hall to open the door*
Count Batula: Right. Time to deal with those guys. After that I'll proceed to do tonight's killing...
*After Batula has opened the door*
Count Batula: Oh, hi. What do you want?
One of the villagers: We have come to tell you about the bills you refused to pay last year.
Count Batula: Oh, not again. You do know I don't have that much money, do you?
Villager: Don't try to lie. You do have the money. Now take your time to pay the bills, or we will hunt you down and KILL you!
Count Batula: Look, I have a visitor in my mansion right now, and I don't have the time for this nonsense. Vhy don't you just go home now and..."
*Money falls out of Batula's pocket.*
Fajo the Money: Aow, who dropped me?!! Anyhow, you greedy bastards, I'm HERE!! What are you waiting for, go and pick me up!
Villager: Look guys, the Count's dropped the money. Thank you very much.
Count Batula: B-but...
Villager: Don't you worry. We'll be leaving you alone, and thanks for the money. Let's go guys!
All the villagers: YAAAY!! Finally we can get our economies sorted!
*The door slams loudly in front of Batula who just stands there, infuriated.*
Count Batula: My money! I'll never zee it again... Right, time to go and kill that weird raccoon gal in the dining room to dampen my thirsts!!
*When Batula arrives at the dining room*
Count Batula: Ok prey, come here and... huh? where did she go?!
*Outside the mansion where LucybonesSquirrel runs away in terror to whence she came.*
LucybonesSquirrel: Twatting shité. I had no idea the Count intended to kill me. Just realized it while he went to the hall that Conker had the same thing happen to him. No more interviewing for tonight I'm afraid, since I get the feeling that if I had stayed, the Count may very well have gotten his vampire teeth in me... well, at least I got a few answers from that guy though...
*Interview quickly ran off.*